Isn't he just the most handsome little boy!!! I have (over the last few weeks) been listening to "The New Strong-Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobson. There are times when Avery is just the most loveable, cuddly, most wonderful kid ever. I don't know if he actually qualifies as a TRUE Stong-Willed Child. After listening (I have the book on CD - I don't have time to read a book, but can listen to it in the car!!) I realize how lucky I am that he is only mildly Strong-Willed. But when he decides he wants something his way, he will fight me to (his) tears to get it. If I have learned anything from this book so far, it is that you NEVER let the child win. I was doing myself, and Avery a big disservice by giving into him occasionally. It is just so much easier to let him have that cookie, than to listen and deal with the fit that will follow if I say NO. The biggest problem that I have with Avery, at the moment, is that he REFUSES to eat. Unless it is one of the few things that he likes, he will refuse to eat. I don't know what to do. I REFUSE to fix him a special meal. I guess what I am wondering is if I should MAKE him (by make him I mean I would have to force the food in his mouth and hold his mouth closed till he chokes it down) eat a bite of everything on his plate, or just let him go hungry. I am afraid that if I don't make him eat stuff and try the "NEW" things that he will only eat chicken nuggets and biscuits for the rest of his life. I have never had this problem with Lily. When we are eating, she will ask if she can be done, and I will say "Eat 2 bites of peas, and 2 bites of apples, then you can be done" and she does it, no problems. But then I don't make Avery!! She has started asking me why she has to eat that stuff if Avery doesn't, and I don't know what to tell her. Dr. Dobson says to pick your battles, and when you pick it you HAVE to win it. I just don't know that I want to spend 2 hours listening to Avery scream and REFUSE to even try stuff every night. It's not hard at breakfast or lunch. He likes pretty much all breakfast food (except eggs and meat), and for lunch it's just the two of us, so I usually just fix something I know he will eat, just to save the battle. I guess I am asking for advice from all you moms out there. What do you think I should do here????Tuesday
My Strong-Willed Child!!!!
Isn't he just the most handsome little boy!!! I have (over the last few weeks) been listening to "The New Strong-Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobson. There are times when Avery is just the most loveable, cuddly, most wonderful kid ever. I don't know if he actually qualifies as a TRUE Stong-Willed Child. After listening (I have the book on CD - I don't have time to read a book, but can listen to it in the car!!) I realize how lucky I am that he is only mildly Strong-Willed. But when he decides he wants something his way, he will fight me to (his) tears to get it. If I have learned anything from this book so far, it is that you NEVER let the child win. I was doing myself, and Avery a big disservice by giving into him occasionally. It is just so much easier to let him have that cookie, than to listen and deal with the fit that will follow if I say NO. The biggest problem that I have with Avery, at the moment, is that he REFUSES to eat. Unless it is one of the few things that he likes, he will refuse to eat. I don't know what to do. I REFUSE to fix him a special meal. I guess what I am wondering is if I should MAKE him (by make him I mean I would have to force the food in his mouth and hold his mouth closed till he chokes it down) eat a bite of everything on his plate, or just let him go hungry. I am afraid that if I don't make him eat stuff and try the "NEW" things that he will only eat chicken nuggets and biscuits for the rest of his life. I have never had this problem with Lily. When we are eating, she will ask if she can be done, and I will say "Eat 2 bites of peas, and 2 bites of apples, then you can be done" and she does it, no problems. But then I don't make Avery!! She has started asking me why she has to eat that stuff if Avery doesn't, and I don't know what to tell her. Dr. Dobson says to pick your battles, and when you pick it you HAVE to win it. I just don't know that I want to spend 2 hours listening to Avery scream and REFUSE to even try stuff every night. It's not hard at breakfast or lunch. He likes pretty much all breakfast food (except eggs and meat), and for lunch it's just the two of us, so I usually just fix something I know he will eat, just to save the battle. I guess I am asking for advice from all you moms out there. What do you think I should do here????
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6 comments:
Heather-
I'm actually checking e-mail and facebook today. This is just my opinion/the way I do things, so take it for what it's worth, but...I just serve whatever meal I have prepared and put some of everything on the kids' plates, Steven's too (he's worse than the kids :). They are not required to eat anything or even some of everything. BUT - that's all they get. Nothing different later because they are "STARVING". They can act pretty pitiful too:) No dessert. When the next meal rolls around, it's the same routine. Eventually, they get really hungry and will eat at least part of the meal. Even Claire! Sometimes she will want to eat just green beans or one part of the meal. If it's good for her, I let her have as much as she wants -which is never a ton because she has such a little appetite. If it's the mashed potatoes or bread, etc. she gets one or two servings and no more until she eats at least some of the vegetables or meat. No battles (on my end). If she doesn't want to do that, then that's fine. I agree with you on only take on a battle you can win. I don't think eating is one of those for us, and I don't want to make food a really emotional issue. It's just food, not a way to please me, just what keeps your body going. I want my kids to learn to listen to their own appetites and make good decisions. Your battle can be to serve the good stuff, and they can choose whether or not to eat it. I'm not perfect with this strategy, but even imperfectly implemented, it seems to work for us. I can relate to the strong-willed child. I read Dr.Dobson's books when Caroline was a toddler and later too. She definitely met the criteria - and still does!:) The good news is that strong-willed kids can be really fun kids. Like Caroline, they are fearless, and often outgoing. They experience their world wholeheartedly. They seem to have a strong sense of their own opinions and thoughts. So different from me, but fun to see that in her personality. Now if she doesn't send me off the deep end before she's grown! Good luck!
Well you know your own kids more than anyone else does, but I will tell you how it goes with mine. Faith is a very picky eater as well. Since Clay and I both came from "clean your plate or else" upbringings (lol) and we are both overweight, I have different opinions about mealtime than most. Our rule is "eat when you're hungry, don't when you're not". I know if my kids say they're hungry, they mean it, and I don't care what time it is I will feed them. If they are at the table and say they're full, they stop eating. Eating after you are full can cause that signal in your brain to stop working, which I believe is the cause of a lot of overweight kids and adults. I always OFFER the "good" foods. It does sometimes go in the trash, but I have done my part (read this article at www.askdrsears.com: http://askdrsears.com/html/3/T030800.asp it made me feel better). Offer the (possibly just ONE?) chicken nuggets but also put some fruit & veggies on the plate too. After that becomes routine to them they may try it! Faith loves spinach leaves now! (dipped in ranch of course, but at least she eats them! lol) Toddlers like to eat tiny meals all day long rather than one big meal. Remember their stomachs are (or should be) the size of their fist. It takes a few tablespoons to fill that up and a couple hours later they are hungry again and that is normal. For example: Faith will eat 2 chicken nuggets at 4pm and then maybe some strawberries at 5 and then some carrots with ranch at 7, a granola bar at 8, etc. She eats until she goes to sleep really (she is also very high needs and still nursing!) Kids will eat more when they are going through a growth spurt and slow dramatically when they aren't. I try anything to keep Faith's weight up (she is only 24 lbs!) You could also offer a gummy vitamin or the Pediasure shakes if you don't think he is getting enough vitamins. OR I have this awesome cookbook called "Deceptively Delicious" and the recipes contain VEGETABLES! There are actually brownies with spinach and carrots! And they're good! And try the V8 juices, they are good too! Okay, hope some or any of this helps! :)
My friend, I have a piece of literature you need to try...
Seriously, check out our old friend Dr. Karp's "The Happiest Toddler on the Block." It has literally taken away almost all tantrums and when we do have one, I can get it stopped in less than a minute. I haven't given in once!
Heather,
As long as you are offering him well balanced meals & snacks on a good schedule, I would say he is fine. His Dr. has not expressed any concerns with him being unhealthy right? I would not force him to eat anything. That might lead to bigger problems. You have mentioned in passing a possibility of sensory issues. He could have problems with certain textures. I would start taking notice of his likes & dislikes. Good luck & you are a great Mom.
Love ya!
By the way, ADORABLE picture of Avery!
Well my dear, you know I would have a ton to say on this subject except that Steph took the words right out of my mouth! We have the same ideas at our house. This is meal-time and this is the meal. Eat it or not but I am not making anything else and they don't get anything else. In the words of Kate Gossling "I am NOT a short order cook".
Mine have gone through phases of not eating and they have gone to bed hungry on occasion. For the most part (now) they are all wonderful eaters.
I do know that with toddlers it can take exposing them to the same foods numerous times for them to have a real opinion on whether they like it or not. So if he doesn't like something the first time it doesn't mean he will hate it forever.
I also agree that food should never be used as a tool to "please your parent" or as a battle of the wills. That just lends itself to other issues. I also agree with whoever said that the "clean your plate" club is not a good idea. I think it is really good for children to learn when they are full (as in full not as is they want a cookie instead).
I don't know if you have tried putting less on his plate. Sometimes if you just give them a few bites of each thing they are more likely to try it. Full plates can cause toddlers to become overwhelmed.
I do know some about sensory issues if you ever want to chat give me a call. If you do think that is an issue you may want to look into Early Intervention. It is free, and so is any potential therapies (like Ella's PT) if he qualifies. Just fyi, not that I think he needs it or anything.
Oh and... with my kids GI issues I am not a believer in that "kids will eat when they are hungry". I do think that HEALTHY kids will eat when they are hungry. So if you think it is something more than just toddler issues I would check with his DR or bring it up at the next well check. KWIM?
AND... most importantly. I love ya! Sending you ((HUGS)) and I think you are such a great mom. Seriously! My girls were listening better to you the other day than to me. LOL!!
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